Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
