Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
