singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
