you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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