watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
