Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
