is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
