We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
