My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
