this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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