Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The adults are the big ones right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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