The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You ruined the universe
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
