A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
