I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
