In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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