I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
