hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize