how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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