It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
