Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
