He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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