my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
