is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
