Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
