I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
