Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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