Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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