If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
