So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
