I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
