I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
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