My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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