So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
