yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
