We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
NoShamevember. You game?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
