I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize