You made me cry and you don't even care
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
