All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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