Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
