dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
