the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
