in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
