im six kinds of drunk right now
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
