Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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