he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
