dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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