apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's just like the Real World with babies
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
