If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We left an ass print on the piano.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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