Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
