Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
