she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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