my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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