Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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