Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize