I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
