Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
