I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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