She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize