You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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