We named our party play list daddy issues
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
