so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
