You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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