Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
