I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
