I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
